Sunday, 16 September 2012

One of those days.

My friend, Ally, just called to give me the news that she's pregnant.  Before that I had recieved two SMS informing me that two of our young ladies in church had just given birth. My kid sister is due to have her baby in two weeks, making me an aunt for the sixth time.

All around me, all I see is pregnant women and young mothers. Everywhere I turn, someone is either pregnant or just had a baby.
Of course, I'm happy for them. Genuinely happy.
The arrival of a new baby is always a joy but it is also a constant reminder of something that I really want and haven't been able to receive.
It was my eighth years marriage anniversary on Tuesday.  Years of going from one specialist to another,
After 3 failed IVFs and several hormonal treatments, I decided to take a break.
There are times when I feel like I've failed at something.
Dont get me wrong, I consider myself a fairly successful career woman. I work directly with the women group in my church and I derive so much joy in being able to help a lot of  people in so many little ways.
I have a good and full life, and I feel loved by the people around me. But today is one of those days, where I craze the cuddle of my own child.
My husband is a good man, but he's also the not very communicative type, and there are times, it feels like he blames me, but since he doesn't talk much, I have no way of knowing. He has  however pointed out that he doesnt want to be alone, nor have kids at forty-something... I'm still not sure where that leaves me.
I have faith and doctors have said that there was nothing wrong with me.
Soon, I believe, soon.
Post a Comment