Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Both bound and free.

She said she was very happy, and when I looked into her eyes, I saw a twinkle there.
I almost believed her.
Then I looked again, the twinkle had dwindled.
And in its place, a hollow look,
She looked tired, worn out and sad.
And then she told me about her escape,
Again, the twinkle appeared,
And stayed as she talked about it.
In that brief moment, she was happy and free.
Then, I asked about the other,
And the gloom look reappeared.
She said that she has days of freedom, 
days of joy, days of total abandon and liberty.
When she is on threshold of her escape.
But, there are also days of enslavement, of gloom, 
of mourning for a paradise lost.
For that was what she had become: a slave to conventions.
Confined to the norms that has been imposed
And knowing that she has to stay in that lost paradise 
which has been turned into a brown iron cage.
And I told her, just like everybody else, to do the right thing
She answered, just like she does to everybody else, 
"I am both bound and freed by the right things"

Out in the wilds

The other day, when I stood in front of the house, alone, contemplating nature,
Its wonder and its peace and quite.
I heard the birds and felt the chill on my chin.
The trees in all their green splendor.
It was the promise of a dream. A dream so far away and so unreachable.
My eyes clouded and my heart was heavy.
I was at peace, both happy and sad at the time.
How could that be?
I felt both free and caged.
But, today I woke up with thoughts of the one thing that made sense,
And I know I want to go back to the front of the house, back to the dream,
Out there in the wilds.

A friend sent this to me, and I thought to share it here:

His name is Dean. He cherishes his Fridays a lot; He gets to hang out with the guys every Friday night and secondly, It’s another escape from his nagging and boring wife. 

In his own words; "I get confused sometimes on whether she’s my mother or my wife. Don’t get it twisted; I love her to pieces. It just gets complicated; like I wish we never got married…marriage has turned her into something that doesn’t amuse me. I wish she was still the adventurous, charming, high spirited lady I dated for five years".

I'm a banker.  I love my job and my job loves me, maybe its because I’m the senior banking officer. This particular morning, a lady breezed into my office. My heart raced faster because I had not sighted anything this beautiful in a long while. She wasn’t the typical slender Barbie, in fact, she was a bit chubby but her smile, cuteness and…I was tripped.

“Hi Good morning! Your ATM has swallowed my card!” She laughed, unlike the  typical customer that would ram you.

I gave her my best I'm-the-Boss laughter…

“Good morning, You know what? I’d personally make sure they get it out for you, but not today. Can you wait till Monday?” I smiled

" OK, can I just drop my number so you could call me up or just text when its ready so I don’t come twice? Please? My name is Nancy” She blinked her eyes in a funny way.

“Sure” I smiled

We exchanged numbers. What a lucky Friday! 

So it was 10:00pm and I headed to the club…as usual my friends were chilling for me. My wife had called a couple of times, I just ignored it. She knows I’m never home Friday nights.

“Look at you!” I heard someone say. I raised my head and it was the ATM lady-Nancy.

“Wow, look at you too!” I was surprised to see her but I was happy I didn’t have to wait till Monday to see her again.

“Happy Friday!” She screamed because of the noise, “Wanna dance?”

I didn’t even have the chance to answer, she was already pulled me to the dance floor. I really suck at dancing but she helped me; she was such a great dancer! I had fun! At some point we decided to go to a private area and we talked, ranging from work, business to personal life. I tried to hide my ring as much as possible, I certainly didn’t want this to end now.

“You are a really wonderful lady. You are so interesting…any guy would want to be with you all day” I said.

“I wasn’t always like this but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to be sad” she sang

Then her phone rang…

“Hey baby! Yeah I’m at the private lounge, I’d like you to meet someone…alright boo” she talked excitedly as usual.

I was in shock until this tall handsome man walks up to her and kisses her.

“You were late!" she smiled as she lifted her face to meet his.

" Meet Dean. I met him this morning, he’s helping with your ATM I told you got swallowed and Dean, this is my B to the O-O,” she laughed “Meet my husband Kurt, we usually come here to dance every fortnight Friday; away from work, stress and kids.” 

“Wow, a pleasure” I didn't know how I said that or how I managed to shake his outstretched hand.

Then she stood now excitedly holding her husband’s arms.

“Why don’t we invite Dean for Mimi’s 16th birthday tomorrow?” Her husband said

They have kids too? I was certain they could both see me visibly shaking. How long have they been married and they look like a couple just dating!

“Silly me, please come for my second daughter’s 16th tomorrow. It would be an honor” She said as she brought out an I.V from her purse.

I began to feel so ashamed of myself…this was another guy like me, getting it right with one woman.

I collected the I.V and promised to be there.

“See you tomorrow! Have you had something to eat Kurt?” I heard her ask her husband as I watched them walk away with their hands around each other.

After they left, I kept staring at the thin air like I had been hit in the face by some unseen force. They come just to dance together every fortnight Fridays? Why didn’t I think of that! My wife Kim loves to dance…she also likes long walks, she loves to talk…she loves jazz music, there’s this vivid picture I have of me putting her hand on my chest when we danced at a jazz club on our first year anniversary…I found myself typing all the things I knew Kim loved to do on my Ipad and I realized I had denied her of all… I had helped mould her into the old woman, the nag and the bore that she had turned into.

What the hell was I doing here! I didn’t even tell my friends goodbye, I walked out of the club into my car.  Kim's call came through and I picked at first ring.

“Kim?” My heart raced

“I know you are not coming home…”

“I am, stay up so we can gist. Been a while” I decided to do everything on that list and to even add many more for the rest of my lifetime with her.

“Are you alright?” She was shocked I suppose

“And I’d like us to go for a birthday party tomorrow. I want you to meet this amazing couple”

“You sound different Dean” she said, sounding puzzled.

“Maybe I’m different” I responded softly, with a lump in my throat.

“Don’t say it! don’t say anything! I'll wait up, when you come we will gist really well” she laughed

She laughed!!! In just that laughter that I hadn’t heard in a while, she sounded like the lady I married six years ago…

That was 2 years ago, and that was the first step towards rediscovery, towards magic. 
Today when I look at my wife and see the love in her eyes for me, I'm truly humbled.
I'm not only more in love with her, I am in awe of her. She is positively glowing and everyone tells me how lovely and sexy she looks.

Monday, 30 July 2012

Dear Dalia.

One day, she strood unannounced into my office, dropped a letter on my desk and demanded that I read it.

She said she wasn't asking for my opinion since she was going to send it anyway. 
I read, and since I wasn't allowed to air my views, I kept them to myself...

Dear Dalia,
I have chosen to write you for two reasons. First, I never want you to forget or mistake my exact words. I want to leave you with something to refer to when you have one of your fits. 
Secondly, I am never going to have this conversation with you, be it on the phone, face to face or by any other means  of communication. 
I love your ex-husband who now happens to be mine. I think he is noble and loyal and good-hearted and smart and hardworking. I think he is loving, kind, generous and as sexy as hell. I know he has his defects (who doesn't?), I know that at the moment, things are not as rosy as they were in the past and that he has seen better days. However, I strongly believe that with his dedication and some encouragement, even better days are ahead. Maybe, I'm mistaken, but I'm willing to take the chance.
I understand that after almost a lifetime with him, you got tired or bored and you wanted a change. You had enough of him, you got tired of waiting for things to change and playing the blame game, so you threw him out.
Obviously, you did what you felt was right, you felt that having him around was doing you more harm than good and you chose to put him out of your live, that also I understand. I am a woman after all, and I understand that these things can happen.

What I don't understand is how a supposedly intelligent, smart and well-gifted young woman like yourself has continued to trail after something you had rejected. Even dogs do not take back their vomits. I can't figure out why after all you'd put him through with the divorce and the custody of his son, you still have your absurd jealous fits at the mention of my name.

Did you think that he was never going to find someone to love him? Do you seriously believe that he can't love someone else after you? 
For over twenty years he loved you, deeply and profoundly. You both shared your lives and all that it involves, the good times and the bad times. You both were the perfect couple. 
You know, everytime he talks about you, which are not very often, he has mostly good things to say about you. But somehow, along the line, you both made mistakes and some bad choices. You blamed him, threw him out and filed for divorce. He has dealt with and accepted your decision, he has moved on. Through it all, he has never spoken bad of you even in the midst of all your troublesome and controversial divorce, the trials and not even during the custody battle when you tried to question his love for his son. That for me speaks load of  his integrity as a man and even more of your pettiness and small-mindedness.

And now, I'm in his life. I met him after you dumped him. Yes, I have no problem in admitting that you probably had him in his best years, you were part of his youthful, vibrant and carefree days. You both share a wonderful son and that's the only thing i envy you. I dont know if I'm ever going to get even a quarter of all that you got or all that you shared.  I met him when he was depressed, sad and heavy hearted. I met him when he was practically on the floor with the weight of your rejection and weighed down by the absence of his son. Gradually, we are building a solid relationship based on friendship, love, admiration and mutual respect. 

Get a life, get busy, put the past behind you no matter how difficult it might be for you. Afterall, it was your choice to change your life, so do it. You very obviously dont want him back, but neither do you want him to be happy. Leave him alone, leave us alone. Stop using your son as weapon to hang on to something you threw away. You still are a pretty and intelligent woman and I know that if you put your mind to it, you still can achieve  a lot for yourself.

You know you can't threaten me. You and I know that I'm not the kind of woman you want to mess with. I'm making the effort to remain civil, cordial and nice because I also love your little boy and I seriously think that you're not a bad person, only that you've got your priorities badly misplaced. I dont want to be firends with you, but I don't want your son to feel like he has to choose, between you and his father. I think in your best interest and that of your son, you should make the required efforts to at least have a civilized friendly relationship with your ex-husband.