Monday, 26 December 2011

Getting there and getting better.

It felt like I'm the main character of a modern day fairy tale. Been there, done that and suddenly, it feels like I've only just begun. The very thought of how you came makes me feel unbelievably alive, young and beautiful. I couldnt have wished for something better, when Santa visited earlier than usual.
My birthday is come and gone, Christmas too, and my present sure has gotten better. I must have done something right, somewhere along the line because since the day you came along, everything looks better.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Difficult choices

Times when you have to say no to something you really wanted.
Times when your heart is yearning for one thing and your head is highlighting all the reasons not to.
Times when reason has to take precedence over emotions.
Times when what you get makes you desire more and what you give seems so insignificantly small.
Time to let go and watch. If it ever comes back to you, then it´s yours to keep and enjoy, even if for a while.
If not, you can hold unto the memories and believe that it just might have found a fitting abode.
I wanted it so badly... I still do, but I had to say no.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

The way your heart sees me.

When you look at me with your heart,
a song goes off in my head,
and a smile warms its way to every part of me.
My heart reaches up to meet yours.
When you look at me with your heart,
You see all that I am
and all that I want to be.
When you look at me with your heart.
I know what you see and I like what you see.
When you look at me with your heart,
I love the way you look at me with your heart,
Thank you for letting your heart look at me the way it does.
With a song in my head and a twinkle in my eyes,
I see and love you,
because I look back at you with my heart.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Santa came around early.

Life is truly full of surprises and can shove some unexpected things in your face.
I looked for you without knowing exactly what it was I was looking for. I was almost on the brink of giving up  and then, suddenly..
You came to me as one of life´s really pleasant surprises, and even though it might be too soon to tell, you just might be what I didn´t even know that I desprately needed, and it´s not even my birthday yet.
The limitations abound but I only wish to enjoy this gift of life, and hope that by the time my birthday gets here, you my present, would have only gotten better.
Thank you for being ever so gentle, ever so kind and ever so sweet.
Thank you for coming along with me.
Thank you for finding me.
We´ve only just started... and for as long as you´ll be here, you´ve got almost all of me.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

... and about time too!

When you called me yesterday, after a long break in communication, what came to my mind was, "... and about time too!". At first, I wasn´t sure what to expect, but then, finding our way to the beautiful friendship we´ve built over the years is proving to be easier than I dared to think it could be. Effortlessly, we slided back into conversation from where we stopped months ago.
Talking to you is easy and fun and beautiful. Sharing with you seems the only natural thing to do. Opening up appears to be the only possible option. Listening to you is a confirmation that the best things in life are free after all.
Above everything else, after all is said and done, I am your friend and we can always come back to us, no questions asked (well, maybe just a few).

Monday, 3 October 2011

Me, my hormones and I.

It´s not that time of the month, and  my hormones seem to have suddenly gone haywire... I´m craving lemonade like it´s going out of business. I suddenly can´t understand what´s so special about chocolate. I look at my husband and I have not the faintest inkling how I  ended up with the dear man. The sound of my phones ringing makes me want to scream. Even my computer screen has no attraction whatsoever for me. The weather seems unbearable and I have absolutley no urge to be in contact with anything or anyone who even remotely resembles or reminds me of the human race.
How bad can it get? I´m not depressed, technically... I´m not sad or bereaved... Things seem to going rather well for me at the moment, well, mostly. I have nothing to complain about, well, nothing except my hormones, which is why the word, "Hormonal imbalance" now looks like a life saver. At least, it closely qualified as a relatively safe definition for this wierd feeling.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

He de decir..

Este señor es mi amigo.
Este señor es mi compañero.
Este senor es mi amante.
Este señor es mi confidante.
Este señor lo amo,
como nunca he amado.
Me ha hecho sentir.
Sin embargo, he de decir
que este señor, no le conozco.
Reconozco que no le conozco.

Friday, 19 August 2011

The World Youth Day.

I'm not a Catholic, but I have respect for "most things" that have to do with Christainity even when I don´t agree with them.
My first mistake was not knowing that the Pope was visiting till a few weeks to the event. I really don't have anything against the Pope, at least I can´t think of any right now, but somehow... I just didn't pay attention. I blame it on exams just like I blame my 3times a year exams for a lot of other things.
Ok, now the Pope´s finally here, and I haven't gone to see the dear man. Even worse, I've no plans whatsoever of going anywhere near Cibeles... well, the National Library is close enough ... You know, I've got exams coming up (sorry, I couldn't help it). But definitely not Cibeles and most definitely not the Pope.
Today I ventured out of the library to the city centre and I came this close to disliking the pope. I mean, with the thousands of people on the street, in the underground, in the shops, they were everywhere, and they wouldn't stop singing and shouting and screaming. Supposedly, they are good for the country's tourism sector, but  seriously, the whole business is bad for my health. To make matters worse, the weather sucks, it was too gaddamn hot!
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think and my head began to ache... more than enough reasons to harbour some not-deserved negative sentiments towards this Pope.
There are a lot of implications, effects and defects of the popular or unpopular visit, politically, socially and otherwise, and you might wonder why I choose not to bother my head about them ... the answer is very simple. I don't see why I have to, a lot of other people are already on that job full time. Also, remember that I just said that I couldn't think... Besides, things are bad enough as they are, without me adding to the number of groaners and whinners who continually bemoan and decry the world's situation with its economic, political, religious and social ills.
So, I'd rather limit myself to decrying the fact that my city, the streets and the metro has suddenly been taken over by "aliens" from the world over and that my head has been aching for the past 2 day + I can't study. I'd limit myself to blaming it on the Pope's visit, and I'll limit myself to enumerating all the reasons why I should momentarily dislike the Pointiff.
Unfortunately for me, I couldn't bring myself to do it... dislike the Pope, I mean. Afterall, he's Christain and he stands for "most" things Christain, something I still identify with.
I might still have some virtues left.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

For the love of me.

Over the years, one of the best compliments I've received is
being described as a strong lady, and by that I don't mean
physical strength (I've got just enough of that to take me
around and about, but no more).

I'm talking about a strength of character that is being
progressively defined and refined as I get older.
I set no limits for myself and I don't allow anyone to put a
tag on me,
I face my responsibilities with the crystal understanding
that I can do all things.
I handle my challenges knowing that they make me stronger
and wiser.
I laugh my laughs and cry my tears knowing that nothing is
permanent and that every phase of life is full of beautiful
I cherish my memories, for though yesterday is in the past,
the lessons learnt and the joys shared are always sacred.
I wholeheartedly love my family and my friends, for they
are a vital part of who I am.
Above all, I love myself completely and unconditionally for
that's the way you can see me for who I really am.

Really, when you see good in you, it'll be easier for other
people to see it.
My roots run deep and that's the essence of my strenght and
the beauty of who I am.
If you love yourself, it'll be easier for others to love you.
And for those who might choose not to love you or see the
good in you, seriously, it's their loss.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Lost Virtues

Some weeks ago, I took a decision. At first, it seemed like it was just one of those things you decide to do out of curiosity, but now, I´ve discovered a lot more things about myself... I´m actually quite surprised.
I wish I could claim to be forty, that way, I could say it´s something like "midlife crisis", but no, I´m not that lucky... So, I take full responsibility and my conclusion is that I´m losing my vitrues...
 I´m not a better or worse person, I´m just losing some of the conventional inhibitions that have been a part of my life for so long.
I´m different. I miss them sometimes, those conventions, when I remember, the point being that I hardly remember.
I´m exploring, going beyond borders, taking risks.
I´m laughing and sometimes my heartbeat skips.
I´m observing, learning to let go of certain tabues.
I´m redefining a lot of things,
I´m rewriting my priorities.
I´m still me... still a believer... with less virtues, but a believer all the same.

My wings have been cliped.

Today, I´ve got questions.
Questions that have no answers.
I ask why I met you...
Why I feel the things that I feel...
It´s been so long, and I think of you still.
I no longer have the liberty to fly.
Now, with my wings cliped,
I ask if you feel the things that I still feel.
Intense, beautiful and intoxicating,
But it´s all wrong.
Or at least, I was raised to believe that.
Yes, to believe that loving you is wrong.