Monday, 18 August 2014

And for the men. I eavesdropped.

Mum was among other things, a marriage counsellor and among our many "crimes" was eavesdropping.

Many a times, we overheard conversation she had with couples who came to see her, together or alone. We heard their complains and most times we heard her say nothing. She just listened, offered a listening ear, a warm and understanding smile or a sympathetic nodding of the head. Sometimes, she just prayed with the couples. But other times, we heard her recommendations, I have written a piece about what she said to the women, and which she also told me before she passed on. If you missed it, read it here. Now, I'll share some of tips she kindly offered to the men. Some of them came in forms of admonishment, others in form of encouragement and some of them were just simple observations. The words you're about to read were hers... And I hope you can share some of your own tips after reading.

She'd say:

"No price is too much to make your wife happy, for you see, if your wife is happy with her life with you, a lot of things will work better for you. Women are that powerful"

"If your wife is happy with you, your prayers will get to God faster, for you see, God has a special love for women and he answers them quicker, I'm sure you know women can cry a lot and even nag. They do the same with God. And I always get the feeling that a woman's tears is not something God wants to have to put up with"

"You should realise that your wife has both the power and the ability to set or change the course and direction of your entire life"

"Your wife should come before all else, be it work, business or pleasure"

"Why not buy her some jewellery? Why not offer to do something for her? Why not surprise her with something you know she wants? Why not spend money on her?"
"A woman is fertile ground, whatever you put in will come back to you in a greater fold. Be careful what you sow."

"Suggest she gets a domestic help or assistant, and if you can't afford it or you are strongly against the idea, offer to do the cooking or the dishes or the laundry or to watch the kids sometimes"

"When things don't work out for you, never ever blame your wife. And when things go well, give her some of the credit, thank her, even if you think she had nothing to do with it"

"In decision-makings, ask for her opinion, then listen to her and try to heed her words"

"Never you call your wife stupid or dumb, you know what they say, "birds of the same feathers.."

"If you disrespect your wife in public, others will do the same, and then she will take it out on you. Do yourself a favour, never call her names or disrespect her, anywhere, but especially in public"

"Sometimes, your wife just wants to feel like you understand her. And, sometimes, you might have to pretend that you do (I'm sure you won't), but a gentle nodding or shaking of the head while you hold her hands and look into her eyes might do the trick of convincing her."

"To keep bringing up issues about what your wife might have done in the past is not loving like Christ did"

"Stop shouting at your wife, she is not deaf"

"Please, leave your family out of your marriage. She didn't marry your father, so she's not your mum's co-wife nor her housemaid"

"Unless your mum is Mother Theresa, never complain to your mum about something your wife did"

"Your mum and your wife are the two single most important and influential people in your life, They both have the power to change your destiny. In your best interest, help them to be friends"

"Never assume you know what your wife is thinking or what she's going to do"

"When you think you've come to know your wife, get ready for the next chapter. She's a book you will never finish till the day you both die. And it's better this way, it adds some spice. So quit complaining about it"

"Brag about your wife (I'm sure there must be something nice about her) and let her hear you"

"If you find yourself arguing with someone, or angry about something, let your wife be the person who can calm you down. And let her see it"

"Never be bitter against your wife, you will only hinder yourself"

To be cont'd.

Please, feel free to add your own tips in the comment section.
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