Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Letting you go... A hard choice.

That evening when she walked in, I couldn´t help but notice the the bags under her eyes, something I´ve never seen in the over 30 years I´ve know her, she looked sad and that caught me off guard.
By the time she finished, I had tears in my eyes. Theirs had been a beautiful love story. Being around them was always a pleasure for me making me think that there might be hope for love after all.
Hearing her talk about leaving him almost shattered that hope... I felt bad for her, but even more, I felt bad for me and my "almost shattered hope"

The next morning she forwarded the email below to me...

My BaiM, 
Yesterday, I had to take a decision. I had to take a stand.
A hard decision. A tough choice.

It like I was pushed to do it. One of us had to anyway, and I chose to be the bad guy.

I decided to let you go.
I chose to give you up.


Letting you go is harder than I imagined, but even in the pain that dulls my heart, I feel it is what you need.
I think you should enjoy this liberty you now have. 
I might be a lot of things, but I'm not stupid and I'm not selfish, maybe I'm mistaken, but this past few months, you've been restless, and dissatisfied.
 Consider it a gift, call it whatever you want, but all I want is for you to be happy. 
Like I said yesterday, go out there and do what you have to do, enjoy your freedom, have fun! By all means, explore, and please be happy!
I have no intention, not now and not ever, of tying anybody up. It's not in my nature as you well know, and I'm sorry that we got to a stage in our relationship that you felt that way.

I have loved before, deeply and passionately, (I always do), but I loved you differently, maybe more deeply, maybe more passionately, maybe both, but I know I loved you the way I've not loved anybody before, I know I loved you totally and intensely without holding back, I gave you the whole of me, the best of me and I had a hell of a good time! I loved the way you loved me! 

You stole my heart before I realised what was happening. You swept me off my feet, and you made me feel special.

You were the one constant in my life for a while. You were the rock I leaned on. You were my first thought and smile of the day and the last before I hit the sack. 

You were my BiaM!

What more can I say? 
Loving you seem to be the best thing I've done in a really long time...and I hope that during this period I was able to show you how much you meant to me

I have nothing to reproach you with, what we had was great, you were great, this fantasy like you called it was great, it was fun and I have my memories to prove that and to hold onto.

I don't know what I'll do or how I will do them. I don't know what my tomorrow holds, I don't know when or if I'll come out my current situation. However, I know that I do not expect you or anybody else to just sit by and wait while we see what happens.
I understand that you want more, but even though it tears my heart, I have nothing more to give. 
I understand that you're not satisfied with what I can give, but I can´t do more, even if I tried.  
I understand that it's not enough and I can't reproach you for wanting more.

I love you enough to let you go, I love you enough to want you to be happy.

No matter what happens, it was a good decision to allow myself fall in love with you and who knows, maybe it's a good decision to let it go or maybe it's not.

There won't be any promises, because maybe I can't keep them, there won't be any requests nor demands because maybe they won't be granted.
You're free, and if we find our way again, if we are ever able to rediscover what we've had, it'll make me very happy. 

But if not, just know that, You have been a great BaiM! And I love you still.

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