That feeling again

Today, I had that feeling again. It was a mixture of stillness and euphoria.
A combination of trepidation and ecstasy,
My head sometimes seems to be playing tricks on me,
but I´m certain that there exists a reason for all that I´m getting myself involved in.
I haven't been able to shake off the huge cloud that seems to be hanging over my head.
But, after looking long enough, I've caught a glimpse of a silver lining.
The clouds are still there, but that must be the promise of rain.
It needs to rain and then the clouds will disappear.
I remember an ephemeral display of the unimaginable,
I see my sacred places become a playground for the gods.
Tomorrow appears to be perennial, but even that is an illusion.
The joke appears to be on me and today, I had that feeling again.

And Now I know.

I know now that when you commit yourself to something, following up on it might not be easy but it's the only thing to do.
I know now that if you've given your heart to something, holding on to it might not be reasonable, but keeping it and hence your heart will be the only thing you think of.
I know now that difficult decisions are not made easier for the strong-minded, but for the one who remembers to consider the cost of a paradise lost.
I know now that life is for the living, but giving is for the one whose heart is in his or her giving.
I know now that when your heartbeat threatens to stop due to overwhelming situations, the only option might be to reach in and turn the beatings to a song.
I know now that building and keeping castles in the air takes as much efforts as getting them on land.
I know now that when illusions are destroyed, and you're only faced with the reality of imperfections, contemplating the perfect becomes abominable.
I know now that when you entwine yourself into the intricacies of another, making excuses becomes a pastime.
I know now that when you're truly scared of losing something precious, making sacrifices
becomes unbearably easy.
Nobody said it was going to be easy,
I thought I knew, but now I know that I know nothing.
I only hope and pray that, you'll be worth it.

Today I choose to...

Today, I choose to be happy, to love and to be loved in return.
Today, I choose to live, to give and to enjoy recieving.
I choose not to look back, not to look forward, but to remain in the present.
I choose to enjoy the joy of feeling incredibly light and alive,
I choose to be strengthened by the conviction that the best things in life are indeed free.
I choose to hold on to the assurance that no matter how awkward my movements are,
No matter how unsteady my gait might seem,
this roaring sea will settle down to the quiet of a lullaby.
I know that today is a precious gift.
A day that I must treasure.
And, I choose to accept this gift, this treasure.
So, I have chosen today to be happy, to love and to be loved in return.
And whatever tomorrow brings, I'll always have the privilege and the memories of  living, of loving, of giving and of receiving.

Getting there and getting better.

It felt like I'm the main character of a modern day fairy tale. Been there, done that and suddenly, it feels like I've only just begun. The very thought of how you came makes me feel unbelievably alive, young and beautiful. I couldnt have wished for something better, when Santa visited earlier than usual.
My birthday is come and gone, Christmas too, and my present sure has gotten better. I must have done something right, somewhere along the line because since the day you came along, everything looks better.

Difficult choices

Times when you have to say no to something you really wanted.
Times when your heart is yearning for one thing and your head is highlighting all the reasons not to.
Times when reason has to take precedence over emotions.
Times when what you get makes you desire more and what you give seems so insignificantly small.
Time to let go and watch. If it ever comes back to you, then it´s yours to keep and enjoy, even if for a while.
If not, you can hold unto the memories and believe that it just might have found a fitting abode.
I wanted it so badly... I still do, but I had to say no.

The way your heart sees me.

When you look at me with your heart,
a song goes off in my head,
and a smile warms its way to every part of me.
My heart reaches up to meet yours.
When you look at me with your heart,
You see all that I am
and all that I want to be.
When you look at me with your heart.
I know what you see and I like what you see.
When you look at me with your heart,
I love the way you look at me with your heart,
Thank you for letting your heart look at me the way it does.
With a song in my head and a twinkle in my eyes,
I see and love you,
because I look back at you with my heart.

Santa came around early.

Life is truly full of surprises and can shove some unexpected things in your face.
I looked for you without knowing exactly what it was I was looking for. I was almost on the brink of giving up  and then, suddenly..
You came to me as one of life´s really pleasant surprises, and even though it might be too soon to tell, you just might be what I didn´t even know that I desprately needed, and it´s not even my birthday yet.
The limitations abound but I only wish to enjoy this gift of life, and hope that by the time my birthday gets here, you my present, would have only gotten better.
Thank you for being ever so gentle, ever so kind and ever so sweet.
Thank you for coming along with me.
Thank you for finding me.
We´ve only just started... and for as long as you´ll be here, you´ve got almost all of me.

... and about time too!

When you called me yesterday, after a long break in communication, what came to my mind was, "... and about time too!". At first, I wasn´t sure what to expect, but then, finding our way to the beautiful friendship we´ve built over the years is proving to be easier than I dared to think it could be. Effortlessly, we slided back into conversation from where we stopped months ago.
Talking to you is easy and fun and beautiful. Sharing with you seems the only natural thing to do. Opening up appears to be the only possible option. Listening to you is a confirmation that the best things in life are free after all.
Above everything else, after all is said and done, I am your friend and we can always come back to us, no questions asked (well, maybe just a few).

Go figure....!

Me, my hormones and I.

It´s not that time of the month, and  my hormones seem to have suddenly gone haywire... I´m craving lemonade like it´s going out of business. I suddenly can´t understand what´s so special about chocolate. I look at my husband and I have not the faintest inkling how I  ended up with the dear man. The sound of my phones ringing makes me want to scream. Even my computer screen has no attraction whatsoever for me. The weather seems unbearable and I have absolutley no urge to be in contact with anything or anyone who even remotely resembles or reminds me of the human race.

How bad can it get? I´m not depressed, technically... I´m not sad or bereaved... Things seem to going rather well for me at the moment, well, mostly. I have nothing to complain about, well, nothing except my hormones, which is why the word, "Hormonal imbalance" now looks like a life saver. At least, it closely qualified as a relatively safe definition for this wierd feeling.